First Thanksgiving Dinner - Akatsuki
by mysticaldragon11
Summary: Konan is bound and determined to cook for thanksgiving this year and no one has the heart to tell her she can't cook. Funny Akatsuki one shot!


First Thanksgiving Dinner

Konan paced back and forth running her fingers through her short blue hair. She sighed again as Pein entered the room. "Konan, what's the matter?" he asked, concerned. "I want to throw a Thanksgiving Dinner." She said, a look in her eyes that clearly said he had better agree or else.

"Okay, you can have a Thanksgiving Dinner. But the guys may have plans of their own for Thanksgiving." Pein said, taking a step back when a look of evil came into her eyes. "I am sure they are all free and would love to come to your Dinner, honey." He gulped. Konan smiled and excitedly grabbed paper and a pen to start her list.

Pein exited the room and entered the den. He had some phone calls to make. He didn't know how but he would find a way to make this work for Konan. He hated sleeping on the couch and she always took all of the blankets out of the room. He hoped the guys' were free and that he would get them to come. Oh how he hoped.

"Itachi, you know I don't like going in public if I don't have to." Kisame whined as his lover stood in front of him arms crossed and a do this for me look on his face. "It is just a store Kisame." Itachi said. "Yes, but last time little kids A) screamed mommy look at the big blue fish or B) Cried and ran away Or C) Threw things at me." Kisame said helplessly.

Itachi rolled his eyes as he walked over and sat on the couch to console his lover. "I promise to maim the little kids who dare throw anything this time." Itachi said as he kissed Kisame's cheek and nuzzled closer to him. Kisame sighed and pulled Itachi onto his lap. "You are so cruel, angel." He said as he ran his fingers through the silky black locks of his uke.

The phone rang interrupting their moment and Itachi slid off of Kisame's lap to answer it. "Hello? Oh Hey Pein. Konan what? I see. Yeah we will be there. Okay. Bye." Itachi turned to face Kisame with a grin. "What was that about angel?" Kisame asked suspiciously. "Konan is throwing a Thanksgiving Dinner." Itachi smirked. Kisame gasped. They both knew that Konan couldn't cook to save her life.

"Kuzu, I'm bored." Hidan said again. Kakuzu looked up at his Jashinist lover and glared again. "So go find something to amuse yourself with. I am working on the bills and a little piece and quiet would be appreciated." Kakuzu said as he went back to the figures in front of him. He had thought about getting a computer to make all this adding and dividing easier but found it was costly for a computer so he had decided against it.

Hidan hadn't liked it. He was excited about looking up gay porn until Kakuzu had decided not to get one. Oh well he had the library computers down pat. He watched Kakuzu add another column of numbers and sighed in irritation. He lay back on the couch feigning sleep and just kept his eyes closed. He was beginning to wonder why they had moved out of Pein and Konan's house. At least it used to be fun.

The phone rang and he immediately jumped to his feet and answered it. "Hello? Oh hey Pein. Konan is doing what? You're not serious. OMG your serious! Yeah we will try to make it. Okay, we WILL make it. Right, bye." Hidan hung up and laughter burst from him like a sonic boom. "What the hell is so funny and what have you gotten us into?" Kakuzu asked watching his lover hanging onto his side.

"Konan is throwing a Thanksgiving Dinner." Hidan said. "Oh that's nice." Kakuzu said as Hidan looked at Kakuzu comically. Hidan turned and left the room as reality of the situation sank in. "She what? She can't cook!" Kakuzu shouted as laughter drifted in from the kitchen. How in gods name were they going to survive Konan's cooking? He got up, bills forgotten and followed the laughter into the kitchen. Now he needed his lover's attention.

Sasori carried another box into the bedroom. "Deidara how in the hell are we supposed to unpack all of these boxes in a week?" He asked his blonde lover who was just around the corner in the closet. "I don't know Danna, un. We will manage. Besides even if we don't get them unpacked before the party we can always hide them, un." Deidara said cheerfully. He and Sasori had been the last to leave the nest so to speak.

Konan had cried and carried on after every time someone said the words move out, but they all knew it was time. They all needed to stand on their own two feet with their lovers and make a home even if it was away from everyone else. "What do you suppose we hind them under? A tablecloth? I think the guys' are a little smarter than you give them credit for, Dei." Sasori said shaking his head at his lover's logic.

Deidara stepped out of the closet and smirked at Sasori. "Oh, Danna. We will figure something out, un. Don't worry so much. It is you and me now until were old and grey, un." He smiled and stepped back into the closet. "Yep, you and me and a thousand boxes to unpack. By the time they are all unpacked we will be old and grey." Sasori muttered. Deidara chuckled from in the closet and Sasori decided to help him out with his task.

He stepped into the closet and took the article of clothing from the blonde's hands and wrapped his arms around Deidara's waist. He lowered them both to the floor and began to undress Deidara as the phone rang. Sasori groaned and then stood up, walking out of the closet to find the elusive phone. "Deidara where is the phone?" he asked trying to follow the ringing. Deidara sighed and rolled over onto his stomach about to stand up when he felt a hard object under his side.

He pulled back a pile of clothes and the phone fell from the pile. "Found it Danna, un." He called as he answered it. "Hello? Hi Pein, un. What's up? Konan is what? Are you sure that is a good idea? Oh I see, un. Okay me and Danna will be there. Uh huh bye." Deidara hung up the phone and stepped out of the closet. "What's wrong Dei? You look a little pale." Sasori asked. "Konan is cooking a Thanksgiving Dinner, un." He said softly. Sasori's eyes widened. "Why the hell is she going to do that? She can't cook." Sasori said as Deidara nodded.

"Zetsu, Tobi found another one for you." Tobi called to the plant man. He looked over and sighed. "Tobi that is a weed. Just like the last ten were weeds." He sighed and brushed off the dirt from his hands. "Tobi come over here and help me." Tobi smiled and walked over next to Zetsu. He knelt down in the garden like Zetsu and helped plant the seeds Zetsu gave him.

Zetsu loved the boy with all his heart, but at times he was exasperating. He watched Tobi put the seeds in the row he instructed him to do and then buried them as Tobi moved down the row. "Like this Zetsu?" He asked in a cheery happy voice. Zetsu smiled as he looked at his raven haired lover. "Yes Tobi, that is very good. I am pleased with your work." He said seductively.

"Oh, does that mean that Tobi and Zetsu can play later?" Tobi asked innocently looking at Zetsu. Zetsu smiled charmingly at Tobi. "Yes, we can Tobi." He said sweetly. Tobi squealed with delight. He loved when Zetsu played with him. Although he would still never understand why he wasn't supposed to tell the rest of the guys' about his and Zetsu's "playtime" together.

After all everyone else did the same thing with their lovers. Oh well maybe it was the way he said it. Maybe he gave too many details of their "playtime" but he couldn't help it. He loved Zetsu and he wanted other people to know how sweet and caring Zetsu could be. He finished putting the seeds in the row and watched Zetsu bury them as well. He stood up with Zetsu and watched as Zetsu sprayed water over the garden.

The phone rang and Zetsu went to turn off the water as Tobi grabbed the phone. "Tobi, let me have the ……….phone." Zetsu sighed as the talk button was pushed. "Hello? Hi Pein, Tobi is a good boy. Tobi helped Zetsu in the garden. Oh okay Pein, Tobi will tell Zetsu. Bye, Bye." Tobi hung up the phone and handed it to Zetsu before skipping across the yard. "Tobi, what did Pein want?" Zetsu's white half asked. "Pein told Tobi to tell Zetsu that Konan is cooking Thanksgiving Dinner and we should come." He smiled.

"OH SHIT!" Both halves of Zetsu said in unison. Tobi stopped to look at his plant man lover in question. "What Zetsu? What is wrong?" He asked with a sweet smile. Zetsu walked over and took Tobi's hand as he led him into the house. "Konan can't cook, Tobi. Have you ever noticed that?" Zetsu asked not expecting an answer. "Yes Tobi has seen Konan ruin many meals. I always dump mine in the slot on the wall when Konan isn't looking." Tobi smiled. Zetsu's head jerked up at the realization that the register in the wall was full of Konan's ruined attempts at cooking. He burst into giggles as he took Tobi to go "Play"

Thanksgiving Day

Konan mixed the stuffing and set it on the counter off to the side. Now all she had to do was put it in the turkey and put it in the oven. She read the instructions once more and followed them to the letter. She opened the oven and slipped it inside as she turned the dial. This wasn't so hard. She began mixing the potatoes and the yams. She looked at the yams coated in the candied sauce mix. It looked right to her so she set it off to the side.

Next she prepared the salads of fruit and green bean. Once finished she set it off to the side as well. Now all she had to do was the veggie tray and the biscuits and dinner would be ready. Not to mention the pumpkin pie afterwards. She ran around setting the dinner table and finished up the tray. Now the turkey was all that was left to finish as she carried the food into the dining room. One by one she set the dishes on the table.

She took great pains to set everything in a perfect spot. She then went to check the turkey. She opened the oven and looked at the giant bird. It looked good to her so she stuck in the meat thermometer, happy with the reading she pulled it out of the oven. She carried it into the dining room and set it in the center of the table. Pleased with herself she went to find Pein to carve it.

Sasori and Deidara arrived just as Pein and Konan came out of the den. Deidara was looking a little green and Sasori looked impassive. They followed Konan and Pein into the dining room, gasping at the sight. Konan turned to look at them in question. "It looks great, un." Deidara said. Konan smiled and thanked him as she turned back to Pein handing him the carving knife. He took it willingly and began to cut up the bird.

Kisame and Itachi arrived a moment later and walked into the dining room. Konan hugged them and told them to sit while she went to get the biscuits and drinks. Zetsu and Tobi arrived a few moments after that and entered the dining room. They took their seats and chatted with the other guys as Pein continued to carve the turkey. Kakuzu and Hidan entered a little bit later as everyone was sitting down to eat.

Konan thanked everyone for coming and told everyone to dig in. As the meal went on it was apparent that things were slightly a miss. Hidan took a candied yam and after one bite almost spit it out and would have had Konan not been watching and smiling. He swallowed the raw potato and smiled back politely. Only because Kakuzu had a death grip on his leg. Pein had carved the turkey clear to the bone and discovered a couple of plastic bags still inside and had just discreetly thrown them away.

Kisame took the stuffing that was offered to him and smiled politely as well even when the dry bread crumbs fell around his plate like crushed crackers. He desperately wanted to add water and butter to it but thought he would offend Konan so decided against it. He took a bite and coughed a little as the unmixed substance tickled his throat. The fruit salad was passed and no one said a word as the green beans mixed with cool whip and fruit was placed on plates.

The turkey was by far the driest turkey on the planet and burnt to a crisp on the outside. Several times Zetsu had to stop Tobi from asking the wrong question. The biscuits were a little on the black side and there wasn't enough butter in the world to make them taste right. The mashed potatoes were boiled potatoes smashed into bits and served cold. No one complained as the cold paste hit there stomachs. Dinner finally ended as everyone moved to the living room.

One by one Konan brought in homemade pumpkin pie. She handed everyone a plate and sat next to Pein. The raw pumpkin had the long strings of goo from the inside of the pumpkin and the seeds were still present. They all picked up a fork and took a tiny bite of the pie. Konan took a larger bite and jumped to her feet. She ran to the kitchen and a retching could be heard. Everyone sat their plates off to the side as she returned. "Oh my god. Why didn't anyone tell me it tasted so bad?" She asked.

"We didn't want to hurt your feelings, un." Deidara said sheepishly. She smiled and said "Okay how bad was the meal?" Everyone's eyes grew wide and everyone decided it was time to go. "Wait, I asked because I thought maybe next year you guys' could help me out. We could make it a tradition." She said with a smile. Everyone laughed and agreed that yes they would help and then maybe Tobi would stop using the register as a garbage can.

They all sat down and Konan said "Pizza anyone?" Everyone raised a hand. They ordered Pizza and stayed up all night talking until everyone was too exhausted to move. They spent the night and helped clean up the next day. They would have a blast every year if they made the whole thing a tradition. The meal may have been a disaster but the memories were worth every second.


End file.
